My life changed drastically when my wife died. We both knew cancer cells her body was producing was going to kill her in the near future, but we didn't know how near the future was. She received various treatments, took her medications, and fought very hard. There is a whole book of stories and facts to say about that, but not now.
She died and I am still here. Her suffering ended and I am so glad it is over. But I am still here. I go on with my old life, but it is actually a whole new life without her. I have to take over tasks she used to handle but I still have to go to work at the same job and the same people. I live in the same house but she is not here.
Much of her possessions are still here, but she is not. Her daughter could not deal with them for a while, so I store them in our (my) little house. I drive her car because it is newer and nicer than mine but she will never drive it again. Nor will she go anywhere with me, ever again.
So I live and build a new life on top of my old life like a new city is built on top of an old dilapidated on. I am devasted by her loss, but at the same time, amazed at how a new life is creating itself as I go on without her.
My family, friends and entire support system, my life, has slowed and is surrounding me. I couldn't be more grateful to them and need them so much. I have never had so many hugs since I was a baby, I imagine. But tonight, I sit, amazed and surprised how this upheaval has occurred and continues. It also helps to put words to the page and explain this all to me and to you.
